Reasons for Reproduction: Bad Edition

I can feel myself chickening out. Month three and I’m already acting like Michael Scott: “A YEAR? I don’t even know if I’ll want a baby in a year.”  Not quite. But I’m so overly analytical that I literally have to make and re-make the decision to conceive every month. It’s like God is trying to call my bluff.  And why not? God knows this thought crossed my mind today:

“I’d rather deal with a poopy butt than a shithead.”

Escapism. It’s officially a bad reason.  A mother rather than a lawyer. Though the sane Me knows they’re not mutually exclusive, today the thought seemed like bliss. An escape. A way out. An excuse. Sometimes I get sick of being the breadwinner and feeling incompetent, poor, and stressed every day. A baby sounds so deceptively simple.  But like I said: a terrible reason. But wait! There’s more:

Like the fact that I want to feel what it’s like to house a human inside my body? Selfish.

Wanting a reason for my family to be happy both with and about me? Needy.

Or that maybe I’ll expand my laughably small group of friends through the mormon mommy network? Sad.

I want the experience of filling out maternity clothes with a big belly. Vain.

I want to have an excuse for my shortcomings that is portable and adaptable to almost any situation. Lame.

I sometimes want to stay at home all day. And an excuse for that would be nice too. Lazy.

I want a 5 generation picture while great grandma is still alive and kicking. Overly sentimental.

I have probably dozens of bad reasons floating around in my head. I’d be a liar if I said they had absolutely no influence on me. They provide small comforts and humor and tangibles to look forward to when the eternal family blah blah is too esoteric to comprehend.

But they’re also not the reasons I decided to make a human. I’ll save those for another day.

Do you have any secret bad reasons for your choice to reproduce? Share. Or I’ll feel like I’m the only bad person ever.

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2 thoughts on “Reasons for Reproduction: Bad Edition

  1. Probably my worst reason, and a completely stupid one: being pregnant and having a kid gave me something to DO. I spent most of the summer unemployed or doing a few crappy jobs on the side. Sitting at home being a housewife is pathetic. Staying at home with a child? Well, people understand that. I felt like all I could honestly say when people asked what I was up to after graduation was knitting a lot, sleeping a lot, and watching Gilmore Girls a lot. Like I said. Pathetic human being I was.

    I partially wanted to be pregnant because I knew my parents wanted a grandchild SO. BADLY. For once, they would be happy with me about something besides my academic achievements. I feel like I’ve disappointed them in so many other respects (whether or not I deserve to feel that way), it’s nice to have one way I knew they unequivocally could not be displeased with me.

    Pregnancy is kind of the ultimate trump card for a relatively healthy, fairly sane, Caucasian woman. I suppose other than occasional accommodations because I’m female, I don’t really have a trump card. It’s much harder to compromise on dinner with someone who could hurl at any moment (though that’s mostly gotten better). Even my parents, who usually run me around till I’m ragged, go easier on me now that I’m pregnant. I sometimes guiltily love the accommodations people sort of must make. If I’m tired, I need to slow down. Now. If I’m hungry, I need to eat. Now. Deal with it or get out of my way.

    I confess to also hoping it will give me a reason to connect with other women at church. (Then I try to talk to them, and feel increasingly grateful that the moms I hang out with are of the Megan and Scritchy One variety.)

    This comment has already gone on too long, and there are many other bad reasons I’ve contemplated for having a child.

    You are not alone. You are in good company. We can be the worst people ever together.

  2. I can totally relate to this post! In fact, to many of these posts, though this is my first comment. I experienced so many of the emotions you are writing about, just over a year ago. I HEAR YOU. You are absolutely not alone. I’m glad you told me the news. 🙂

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