Worst Nurse and Telling the In-Laws

It was a big day over here in pregnant land. First, a different nurse called me, let’s nickname her Nurse Uhm? based on the frequency she said “Uhm?”  Good thing I was in a feisty mood today. Going to the office and being lawyerly does that. I answer the phone and Nurse Uhm? blithely states in this creepy, vacant tone that my levels are “going down, so that’s a good sign.”

Heart stopped. Breathing stopped. I barely squeak out an, “Excuse me?”

“Yes, they’re down” She repeated.”You should be able to miscarry.”

Okay. Now I’m suspicious. “Look. I’ve only had one blood test this week and Nurse Ratchett told me it went up.”

“Uhhhm oh…. let me. Um. Look again. Oh. Yes. There we are. Your levels are going up,” she said in the same exact voice as she used to erroneously announce their decline.

“Yeah. WTF? YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK! Why are you even calling? But I guess while I’ve got you here, why DID my OB want a second ultrasound?”

“Oh uh. Um. Well. . . to see if it’s tubal.”

*Facepalm* “It’s not. We already checked. Don’t you have a file in front of you that says that?”

“Uh. Oh Yes. Well. Um. Let me check.”

“Don’t bother.” I told her, and canceled my appointment. It was just too much to be borne.  She was like the doctor on Arrested Development. Besides, if it’s going to miscarry, it’s just going to happen.  I’m finally trusting my body to initiate this if necessary. I don’t see how doing another ultrasound in a few weeks will be much help, and I think the sea monkey will still have a tail at that point. Let’s save the ultrasound cash for a few months from now. Let it get a little cuter. Fatten up. Get some fingers. That sort of thing.

In other, happier, news, we told my in-laws that they would soon/hopefully get an upgrade to the grand-dog. They were appropriately stoked and though I had been nervous about telling them all day, I’m happy we did.  It was FIL’s birthday and we gave him a photo album with the sea monkey ultrasound pic in it, telling him it was a work in progress.

They now know about another maternity blog, too. As this has been just as much a part of my pregnancy as anything else, it also has to be shared. (By the way, where did 98 of you come from the other day? Insanity. You should probably de-lurk.)  I’m excited to share the journey, but nervous about the fact that they’ll soon find out that I stole their son’s virginal innocence and have been having sex with him for 3 1/2 years.

They’re gonna be pisssssed. 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Worst Nurse and Telling the In-Laws

  1. I believe I told you that my mom’s response to the announcement of Baby Trogdor was to ask Nate if he felt virile and manly because of his ability to impregnate me.

    Uhhhhhh. Yeah.

    What is up with the nurses at this office? I’m willing to blame one on an anomaly. Two? Somebody’s gotta be better at hiring people with an iota of social grace.

    Can I also confess that I am slightly mourning my loss of market share on your news and your blog? I’m happy other people are finding out your good news, but it was a fun secret to keep. 🙂

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