OKAY! Sorry for the real time updates. I realize this is not freaking Twitter, BUT
After I sat down and wrote my deservedly emo blog post and ate a Java Twix (don’t judge–it has less caffeine than dark chocolate), I decided that the thing I wanted to do most (DESPITE my husband’s stern reprimands not to) was to play with my doppler while I still had a baby inside me. I figured I could miscarry at any moment at the rate I’m bleeding. This might be my last chance to feel like I’m pregnant and get excited.
I invited the flatulent dog on the bed with me. Pets decrease your heart rate. I figured this was true even of flatulent pets, and I was right. I found my iliac with my fancy digital read doppler, pumping away at 90. This made locating skippier heartbeats much easier. I closed my eyes and just tried to hear for the baby. After a couple of minutes, I heard indistinct but loud galloping noises and when I opened my eyes, sure enough, the doppler read 157.
I called my husband to share the news but had already lost it. So I set out to find it again. I cranked the volume and he heard it–that galloping noise. Which today was super indistinct, the beats weren’t easily distinguishable to my ears, but the doppler read 157-153 for a full 15-20 seconds. But I think the baby doesn’t like it. After each of the three times I caught the heartbeat, it hold steady for at least10 seconds then it would fade. Then the screen would suddenly read 150, 145, 140, 134…. I’m guessing the little one doesn’t like it much, and is swimming away. Dwwaaaa…
I’m sorry baby. If I were 100% a nice mom, I would leave you alone in there. It’s clear you don’t like it, and I totally get that. I wouldn’t want sound waves hitting me when I’m trying to nap. I sleep with earplugs. But you know what I don’t like, fetus? Bleeding profusely and spotting tissue all the freaking time while I’m supposed to be pregnant. So put a word in with the big guy and ask him to stop the insanity. PLLLEEEASE. Until then, I’m going to find your heart every freaking day so I can freaking sleep at night and get freaking excited about your arrival instead of freaking worried about freaking miscarriage. GOT IT?
Okay. So $55 doppler = best purchase ever.