Since Baby Center feels compelled to send me e-mails despite my unsubscribing from them, I was woken up with the reminder that today our baby would have been 11 weeks. A week from today, we were planning on making the general announcement. Tomorrow was going to be my first real midwife appointment. And all this summer my husband will be working at the coast. When I was pregnant, it somehow did not feel as lonely. Now it’s all wrong. I’m feeling numb most of the time. Until something turns me into a puddle. Even though I thought I had purged the house of pregnancy items, I ran into the children’s book I bought Husband for father’s day–Where is my Cow? by Terry Pratchett.
Pratchett writes brilliant fantasy/satire that reads more like a Monty Python sketch than Lord of the Rings. During our first summer as newlyweds we read Thud!, a novel centering around Sam Vimes who is “a good copper.” Vimes is the head of the Watch. Every night, no matter what crazy things are going on in the city, Vimes returns home to read Where is my Cow? to Young Sam. This ritual reminds Vimes of what is most important and good in his life. The father-son bond has a magic to it, making the ritual a major plot device in the book’s climax. I loved Vimes’ inner monologue about how “daft” the book was. “This is no way to find your cow,” he counsels Young Sam. I knew that when we became parents, the first thing I was going to do was buy my Husband the Where is my Cow? book inspired by the book in Thud!.
I finally bought it for him this Father’s day. True to Pratchett’s style, the book is a parody of children’s books. It’s brilliant and sweet. But seeing it now only makes me think of all the times it will not be read. It makes me think of how my husband is suffering from this too. So I’m hiding it until next time.
We are running away to Seattle for the weekend. I’m cramping so badly that I’m seriously considering checking out a wheelchair at the museums to preserve my walking strength for Pike Place Market. But I might as well be cramping there as much as anywhere else. We’ll see how I do.