I fear I will be not pregnant for a while. To freak me out, the doc said it might take 12 weeks for my period to start AFTER my bleeding stops. Well, it’s been over a week. Can I please stop bleeding yet?
“At least now I can go water skiing.” I sniffled to the doc.
“Yeah! And have a margarita!” She exclaimed. I then turned to my husband and said in all seriousness, “I just might.” If you haven’t gathered by now, we’re Mormon. And we follow at least 80% of the weird extra mormon commandments like not drinking. While I’m sure I could justify some home-brewed (or…locally brewed?) beer under ye olde W.O.W., what I REALLY want is a pina colada with some pineapple rum. Unfortunately with the fear of hellfire and retribution, I can’t quite bring myself to do it, but man I was close.
Anyway, barring any drinking binges, here’s what I’ve got planned for the rest of this woefully unpregnant summer:
1. Go water-skiing. One footed.
2. Go jet-skiing (Yes, I will add each watersport as a separate line item to make my life appear more full on paper)
3. Go wake boarding
4. Eat real tiramisu
5. Grill rare steaks
6. Eat unpasteurized cheese
7. Jump on a trampoline with reckless abandon (I confess to bouncing lightly during pregnancy. I am positive this did not kill the baby, but I still feel guilty about it.)
8. Jump on my husband with reckless abandon (fear of bleeding made our sex life a bit too…careful to be very interesting)
9. Exercise more than just stretching (again, the on and off bleeding made exercising a worrisome activity)
10. Soak in a hot tub until I feel woozy
11. Sit in a sauna until I feel woozy
12. Perhaps find a rollercoaster
What am I forgetting? What else shall I do?