“But you were worried about this pregnancy from the beginning.”
Yes, yes I was. Pointing this fact out as if it should be some consolation makes me sob at night. It wasn’t easier just because I had been spotting since the vaginal ultrasound. It wasn’t easier because I spent hours obsessing over medical journals to read about the stats on bleedy pregnancies. It wasn’t easier because I talked to my sister, who had a perfectly healthy baby and bled the whole time. I spent so much time trying to convince myself that I was okay and relying on what I stupidly thought were responses from God that the baby was okay that NO. It’s was not easier to see it go.