First things first: no longer pregnant, self-medicating through exercise, and too depressed to eat much, I was able to comfortably wear jeans from high school to the ward picnic. Oh yeah. Fortunately they’re a classic cut and color.
My pregnancy was a carefully guarded secret. Even after seeing the heartbeat I only told a few Utah friends and close family, all because the risk of miscarriage. We figured if it happened once, it could happen again. And it did. But now that I’m here, I really could not care less who knows about my miscarriage. Provided, of course, that I’m not the one who has to tell. My closest friends in Oregon were oblivious to my pregnancy. But because I need them so much right now, they’re all aware of my miscarriage.
Even so, keeping the pregnancy on the DL was a good idea. I see a major difference between telling someone “I have a million dollars! Let’s party!” then later telling them I lost it all, versus simply telling someone “I lost a million dollars.” I shattered fewer dreams this way. And the fact that I’ve disappointed anyone at all makes me feel somewhat guilty about getting my family excited for what would have been the first grandchild (besides Em, who isn’t ours except by blood, an adoption story for another day).
It WAS selfish. I told them because I was excited and wanted them to be excited with me. And we had that brief time of general giddiness together. When I miscarried, I had their support, their soup, and their understanding. I don’t regret the decision to tell who I did. I only had to un-tell two people, and the miscarriage phone tree worked its magic.
What are your thoughts on knowing and telling? When did you tell people about your pregnancy or your miscarriage?