Don’t Ask

Yesterday at church:

“And when are YOU guys going to have a baby?”

“When I stop having miscarriages.”


Hey, I’ve warned people on this and other blogs–it’s never, ever, ever, ever okay to ask. And is it just me, but are Mormon communities the only ones rude enough to do this? Educate me non-lds friends.

6 thoughts on “Don’t Ask

  1. Definitely a cultural thing.

    I only was asked this once, and it was within 2 weeks of my wife’s miscarriage. My response was similarly snarky and the situation played out much the same.

    On the other hand, Mormons are hardly unique on this point. For the three months we were in Chile, we were constantly asked, “how many children do you have?” Not, “do you have kids,” or, “hey, when are you going to start having kids?,” the assumption was that we already had ’em and we got more than a few weird looks from people when we said we didn’t. Keep in mind, these questions didn’t come just from people at church. A cashier at a grocery store with whom I had briefly struck up a very banal conversation asked once…

  2. Seriously! Another great token response is “There are 2 possible responses to that question: 1) we don’t want kids (right now), 2) we can’t have kids. Which would you prefer?”

    Seriously? Why do people think it is ANY of their business? I’m already dreading the “so when are you going to try for #2?” People are unbelievable. I’m curious, too, about whether this happens among non-Mormons.

  3. Oh, it certainly happens around non Mormons. Especially around newlyweds. When you don’t have an answer, it’s awkward. And then, when you’re trying and it isn’t working, it stings. I’m glad you said what you did. With the percentages of loss and of infertility, people need to be more tactful!

  4. While I don’t think most people ask family-planning related questions maliciously, they aren’t appropriate and like Alli says, there’s really only one of two answers. There are better conversation starters that don’t offend or cause an extra dose of heartache in an already crappy situation.

  5. The other day I was trying to enjoy my sub par Wendy’s salad when an older woman approached us and asked us when we were going to have children…she was not even an acquaintance! Really?! I always reply with “someday”. I feel like it is a a polite way of saying “seriously?”. I don’t blame you for being annoyed!

  6. I got a good dose of this when visiting my relatives today while Wife was thankfully off at a movie. I really just wanted them to leave me alone to dote over their adorable 6 month old rather than waste this moment thinking about how I don’t have one on the way. Instead of telling them so, I made a noise and ignored them in favor Tiny Drooly Man. I thought it was very civil of me under the circumstances.

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